I will follow

It is easy to think we are one way until something happens, and we see ourselves in a clear and new light.

During a cold February, I went on a Caribbean cruise with my adult son, Andrew. He was leaving one job and had a short break before the new job began. I was on a month-long sabbatical. While he was hoping to include other family members, it was a case that those who had the money didn’t have the time, and those who had the time didn’t have the money, so we ended up being travel companions. It was relatively last-minute planning for a cruise, and we did a good job talking about what would make the experience great for each of us.

The cruise had a well-designed app that gave all kinds of information, from daily schedules to ship layouts. The only problem was between Andrew and me; we only had one username and password to access it. While I started with access to the app, something happened, and Andrew was the only one who could access the information and schedule over the cruise.

Thus began the revelation of my character. I struggled with not knowing the whole schedule. I grilled Andrew with questions about the menu or the activities. I was frustrated that I couldn’t make the reservations for the activities I wanted to do apart from Andrew. I wondered why he didn’t just turn over his phone to me rather than try to talk over the plans. Within the first day of this appalling app mishap, I realized I had to choose how I would behave!

I had to get a grip on myself. Mary, your adult son, asked you to join him on a trip, and he agreed to this cruise. How will I be such that he will have good memories and want to go on any other trip in the future? So, I thought of a repeatable phrase to coach myself.

I will follow you, Andrew.

Whenever I started to get uptight, I had to power down and remind myself. I am here to follow you. No matter how it turns out. The point is I am learning to follow you. Whenever I felt myself powering up, I had to revisit why I was making this trip. And this coaching also meant letting Andrew know when his plans worked for his stage of life but not mine. Think of walking a few miles with luggage in tow versus calling an Uber. We made concessions.

The trip was such a highlight. We were on a beautifully appointed cruise ship. We were in warm and sunny locations. We biked, snorkeled, and walked about towns together. We had meaningful conversations. The food was fantastic in both presentation and flavor. And in fun Andrew form, after noticing the theme-based nightly folding of our towels and blankets by our cabin steward – Andrew designed his version to leave the gratuity for the steward.

After our trip, I wondered if Andrew had enjoyed our time together. When Christmas came this year, I unwrapped his present to me – a cruise ship ornament! He did have a good time! And I could have let a silly app mishap get us off course. I was learning to follow those I used to lead, leading to some new adventures. I will follow you, Andrew!