A Promise to Remember

This past summer, I received a thoughtful card and photos from Hawaii. As soon as I saw the return address, I knew the sender, but I had never met the sender. It was the return address, CECOSC, that helped me recognize the card contained a remembrance. I was part of that same group when Gary and I lived in Hawaii over twenty-five years ago.

CECOSC stands for Civil Engineer Corps Officer’s Spouse Club. People I have never met and yet with whom, decades later, continue to share a bond and a promise. Part of the Navy’s history is not just the sailors who deploy but the community of those they left behind. Traditionally women, spouses formed groups to support each other during the absence of their loved ones gone to sea.

While stationed in Hawaii, I had been part of this support group of Navy spouses. The Civil Engineer Corps Spouse Club had sent the card and photos. They’ve sent me a remembrance almost every year since we left the island in 1998. 

What do they remember? They remember someone we left behind buried alongside the beautiful green mountains of the Koʻolau Range. These strangers remember our son Raphe, and they visit Raphe’s graveside because they knew we could not.

On Memorial Day, volunteers from this support group stop by the grave of each child of a CEC member lost during that family’s time in Hawaii. They honor that young family member’s marker with flowers. A photo and card are sent to the parents to tell them we remember your child. 

This kindness of strangers is made possible because of a commitment to a shared community. That commitment included many fun and service times, but it also held members who lost someone in deep care. I am still surprised when the card arrives, and it feels so extraordinary. 

September 25th is a day Gary and I fondly call Raphe Day. 

Remembering the celebrations and the losses of each other is a gift we can give each other as members of a life-giving community.