Listen, Listen Some More, Maybe Speak

Many of you are aware that I’ve been pursuing my education. I’m nearing the completion of a certificate in spiritual direction this month.

The question I’ve encountered most frequently is, “What exactly is spiritual direction?” It’s a genuine question, understandable given the somewhat authoritative sound of the term “director.” As I began offering spiritual direction, I noticed a common misconception among those pursuing spiritual direction. They often expected answers from me, whereas my role primarily involved gentle questioning after attentively listening to their stories.

Here’s my attempt to provide an understanding of spiritual direction. Spiritual direction is a partnership where the director helps the directee attend and respond to God. This attendance to God takes shape in the healing, sustaining, reconciling, and guiding of the directee (Moon and Benner 2004). Spiritual direction is a gift of love we receive that we pass along to a directee through care-filled attention, active, empathetic listening, and contemplative presence. Spiritual direction begins with the Trinitarian God and insists that both director and directee connect to a larger faith community, knowing that “becoming someone occurs most effectively through a relationship with each other.” (Barry and Connelly 2009). This relational aspect mirrors that of a midwife, who sees spiritual growth as natural and nurturing, providing ongoing support like a midwife does pre- and postpartum.

When asked, “What is a spiritual director?” I can authentically respond: I am a soul midwife. I observe the ordinary signs of everyday joy and struggle and provide hope to labor on in one’s relationship with God.  

It may be clearer. I mostly listen. Even before formal training, I honed my listening skills by reading books and managing volunteers while navigating the many relationships in a large family of adult children. Nevertheless, transitioning from a role of giving instructions and training to one of attentive listening has been a journey, especially over the past two years. Like any form of personal growth, it is often difficult to perceive our progress, as it occurs gradually over time.

Recently, during my birthday celebration with my family, I experienced a profound moment of clarity. I sat for quite a while, absorbing what was happening all around me. Four people were on the front porch playing a board game. A grandchild was playing the piano, sharing her recent songs learned in lessons. Another grandchild was reading a book—another group of three played cards. There was nothing I was in charge of except to take in the beauty of connections happening before my eyes. I found so much peace in simply being present and witnessing family bonds, knowing how tenuous and fragile they can be.

The act of listening has given me gifts that speaking could never offer.

Quotes from:

Barry, W. A., & Connolly, W. J., 2009. The practice of spiritual direction. San Franciso, Ca: HarperOne. 

Moon, Gary W, and David G Benner. 2004. Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls: A Guide to Christian Approaches and Practices. Downers Grove, Ill.: Intervarsity Press.