“Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man to acknowledge instantly and without reservation that he is in error.” – Andrew Jackson
Recently, like really recently, I spoke some words to my husband. Words that I thought were just expressing something I wanted him to do for me. Well,he turned around a little later in the evening and essentially spoke them back to me. And it stung. Well, actually it really hurt. He knew he hurt me…. i was pretty obvious with that and I pretty much chose to shut down. As I was thinking in my head..(something I don’t do that much of … I more often choose to think out loud) about this hurt, I got an incredible thought. Maybe what I said hurt him which is why he spoke the way he did to me. So I tried something novel. Instead of telling him he hurt me.. He already knew that remember.. I said, I realize that what i said must have hurt you. Can you tell me what you heard from me? It was like an out of body experience because I was so hurt and yet hearing myself being open to hear what my responsibility was in the whole thing. It wasn’t pretty, hearing how critical I sounded to him but it did give me understanding enough to let go of what was someone else’s wrong and take charge of my own. I have been thinking about it most of today and struggling with how awfully difficult it is to live transparently enough to say I am wrong. I am needy. I am a mess. It is why the cross is our only hope.
Erring,
Mary