“Does Size Matter?” and Other Questions I Don’t Really Want to Answer

This past week, with Mother’s Day, I was asked (again):
“What’s it like having nine kids?”

Now, let’s be clear. Size does not matter. But it can sure feel like it does. Large families tend to invite wide-eyed questions, whispered comments in the grocery line, or nods of awe, as if I climbed Everest with a baby carrier. I get it. Nine is not subtle.

But I never chased a number. I wasn’t collecting children like vintage teacups. I was asking for the gift, and I received it, again and again. Not because I did something remarkable. Not because I’m especially strong or capable. But because I was given something, and I opened my hands to it.

My first child was all softness and mystery. I thought, I’ve got this. She was sweet and “yummy” (a word she used for everything good and delicious), and I mistook that goodness for mastery. My wiring, half hopeful, half control freak, fed the illusion. I had it figured out. I was the expert.

Then came child number two. And three. And… well, you get the idea.

Each one pulled back another layer of certainty. These children weren’t a challenge to my expertise; they were the teachers I didn’t know I’d signed up for. They humbled me, laughed at my blueprints, and handed me the real syllabus of motherhood:
Love covers a multitude of sins.

That’s it. That’s the class.

---

My father once told me his understanding of parenting, and it went something like this.

When Children Are in Their 20s
They don’t really think you know what you are doing. They do, however, need your faith in their decisions, even when you secretly wish they’d just text back. (That’s my add since dad wasn’t around for texting)

When Children Are in Their 30s
They begin to wonder if you may have something worthwhile to share with them. You start to see yourself in them, and sometimes that’s hard to watch. But they also surprise you in ways you never imagined.

When Children Are in Their 40s (I am almost there.)
They start to wonder how in the world you did it. You pray for their knees and their marriages.

When Children Are in Their 50s
They ask you questions about more than you want to know! You talk less, listen more, and hold your breath during the hard pauses.

When Children Are in Their 60s
You marvel that they’re still your babies and still interested in your thoughts, even with grey at their temples.

---

When my children were young, they needed my strength.
Now I’m older, I need theirs.

I don’t think I taught much. I know I learned more than I ever bargained for. I used to think I had answers. Now, I’ve traded many of those for a few unshakable truths, and let me tell you, those few are solid. They’ve stood the test of grief, joy, and plenty of real poop.

And yes, you can choose not to have children. There are many valid, wise, and sacred reasons for that choice. But whether you’re a parent or not, find a way to break open the world you’ve built.

Find a way to alter your reality to let something or someone else reshape your limits.

Because that’s where love starts asking its own questions:

What are the limits of love?
What if there aren’t any?

And what if, just maybe, we were never meant to be experts—only lovers, learners, and givers of strength?