When I was young, I didn’t give much thought to marriage. I set my eyes on school and the Navy. While stationed in Rhode Island, I found a friend willing to risk deeper conversations with me.
I recall one conversation with my friend, Tina, that served as a guiding, grace-filled word to my unfolding future. She asked me what I wanted in a husband. I thought about it and quickly answered. At the time, I was mildly aware enough of my strong, assertive straight-talking ways to include that in my answer.
Tina, I hope God gives me a man who can meet and match me when I rise in my strength. Someone who can go toe to toe with my love for wrestling with my ideas.
Tina paused and gently returned. Mary, what if God gave you a man you loved so well that you would choose not to demand he meet your challenges? That thought stopped me in my thinking tracks. Oh, Tina, I suddenly realized, now that sounds more like God’s way than mine. I will have to think about that.
It’s funny how humbling oneself doesn’t feel like losing or surrendering when love is involved. It just feels like love. Over 35 years, there have been struggles and battles on my end to realize how selfish I can be over the smallest of things. And God gave me a man who would humble himself rather than argue with my ideas. Someone who would grow more quiet and calm if I grew loud and agitated.
Have you ever had ideas grow so deep and firm you can’t believe you thought you knew what they meant the first time you heard them?
I Corinthians 13 is filled with action, and its words have only taken on more meaning and understanding in these anniversary years. I still am trying to live the love it describes. Read it slowly and meditate on the graces contained within it.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. (The Message)
Where are you seeing God’s graces in your years?
There is so much wisdom in this post. Thank you, Mary!
Thanks Shannon, So much grace over the years.
I love your way with words. I remember praying about the kind of husband I wanted. Those things seem so much less important now. The traits which really drew me to my husband were his steadfast love of God and the consistency of time spent with the Lord. I see God’s grace and wisdom in pairing me with someone who challenges, as well as, gives me the freedom to grow. One who provides the atmosphere in our home to help me be at my best. At first, we laughed at how different we were, but now I see the wisdom in marrying my complement and not my matching personality. It is interesting to see love worked out in day to day living. How good God is – and we are celebrating 35 this year, too!
I love hearing your experience and so glad we share some of the amazing graces of our 35 years!!!
Beautiful Mary. You, and your marriage, are an inspiration. . .